Sunday, February 28, 2010

Perspectives. Proportions.. Purpose...

There are days when the catastrophes of the world make one realize how small and weak a single pair of limbs are, a single pair of eyes, a single mind… heart. When you’re any twenty-something year old, how spiritless would you be if you didn’t feel as though the world was your stinkin’ oyster? Or that you, and you alone, had the ability to change the world- To truly make a difference. But it’s times like these that the goals that consume much of my day (i.e. today's list- plan class, eat lunch with friends, learn 5 Chinese characters, read, do laundry, floss) seem so menial. Well, they are so menial. I recently learned of the fifth largest earthquake occurrence in Chile. Soon after- one in Argentina. How many people were sleeping soundly when their homes caved on top of them? OH, Dear Lord. Thousands are mourning the loss of loved ones in South America, meanwhile, outside my window, a deafening display of firecrackers is setting off car alarms as the people of China celebrate the Lantern Festival. As Alanis would say: isn’t ironic… don’t ya think?

Last week, while the rest of my family gathered for my grandmother’s funeral in Texas, I was gallivanting around India, having the time of my life.

Sometimes I let myself slip into a darkness, in which I feel so helpless. So useless. And I wonder… what can I do, anyway? Here I am in a foreign land, teaching classes to students that don’t care about their English, and sharing His teachings with people, most of whom believe it holds no personal truth for their lives. Am I wasting my time? Maybe I should be cleaning up the rubble in Chile. Or, at least, I should be home, throwing my arms around my Daddy’s neck, and assuring him I won’t leave him, too. You know, really making a difference. Doing some good.

And it’s in these moments, when the words begin creeping into my thoughts- "Just give up. It's too much. What can you do, anyway? You can't even open a coke bottle with your scrawny hands!"- But something, or someone, reminds me - I’m not doing it alone. I’m not alone. And I take comfort in these words, that I hope will encourage you, as well:

"…Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed…"

"….Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…"

Or, as Jewel would put it: My hands they’re small, I know; but they’re not yours, they are my own... And they are never broken.

I’m small, I know; but there's nothing small about my God.

Rest in our love and His peace, Grandma Joyce.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

La dee dee, it's Poetry

So, I looked at my pathetic blog and realized it needed to be spiced up a bit. I considered filling my online journal in on the Holidays... on the recent trip to Beijing (maybe I'll post pictures)... but as I pondered what to write, I decided to write a poem about writing. I'm new at this. But poetry is kinda fun, so yippee yi yay. And since I don't allow comments on my blog you can't trash my writing or think I'm fishing for approval- which gives me courage.

I want to Write

I want to write.
I want to write something eloquent.
Fashioning my thoughts
Into words

I want to write.
I want to write something nonchalant.
Slapping my emotions
On Paper

I want to write.
I want to write something beautiful.
Making your eye glimmer,
Your lip quiver,

I want to write.
I want to write something daring.
Challenging your raised eyebrow,
Your suppositions,

I want to write.
I want to write something funny.
Tickling your ribs
Until you admit I’m

I want to write.
I want to write something meaningful.
Weaving something worthy
Of reading

I want to write.
I want to write something simple.
Smoothing your brow.
You can breathe

I want to write.
I want to write something grandiose.
Stabbing at that which is unattainable
And doing so

I want to write.
I want to write something for me.
Observing merely the minute details
Between sunrise and fall

I want to write.
I want to write something for you.
Pulling your head
Onto my Shoulder

I want to write
I want to write… something.
Hoping only that you
Will Read It