COMMIT *gulp* MENT

Hello,

Are you planning to stay for the next year. I hope you can, the student loves you, and the teaching office gives you good appraisal; that makes the university offer you a second year contract, and you will get raised in the second year.

If you are planning to stay for the second year, please let me know.

Cordinally,

Jian Qiang

I got this email recently.  It sits unanswered in my inbox.  It breathes down my neck and makes me sweat... no rhyme intended.  I was so preoccupied with the terrifying stench of commitment upon first read, I didn't even chuckle at the precious spelling of cordially.  I see it long after I've closed my internet and shut down my computer. The words dance inside my eyelids as I drift off to sleep.  Choices, choices.  I once begged an English professor at Harding University to choose a paper topic for me.  "Why?" he replied.  "Because I'm so indecisive! I drive myself crazy."  I said pathetically.  A slow smile crawled across his face, "You sure about that?"

For those who haven't heard, after weeks of painful "pro" and "con" list writing, prayerful consideration, and begging just about anyone to make my life decisions for me, I've decided, Lord willing, to come back to China for the Fall term after summer break.  I'm not sure if it's a serious case of cold feet, or what, but I've been kind of freaking out about this decision.  You may be thinking, "Honey, we are talking 6 months here, not eternity" and to this I would respond, I am turning 25 this fall! Next stop THIRTY, hello!!! Who will be here to tell me I am being ridiculous on my birthday, and my forehead wrinkles don't look that bad. Besides, pick the plank out of your own pupil!

OK, where was I before I started arguing with myself? Ah, yes- I trust that He will take care of me, but with my three closest friends here, leaving for good, I find myself becoming more keen on the idea of staying in Florida, kissing on nephews and nieces, being able to drive a car, turning on the television to find people speaking English, going a day where I eat food devoid of heaping amounts of oil and MSG. . . . you know, things like that.  I'm not going to round this post off with a moral, or the way I've come to realize I shouldn't worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of its own.  (Although, I know this to be true.)  Rather, I will ask you-  Pray for me.  And while you're at it, consider joining me in China, OR ELSE. Just kidding. (But seriously.)